”Now, in those days, it t’weren’t proper for a young man and lady to meet unescorted. But we were wayward youth, total rulebreakers, so I was takin’ a roundabout route through the country in the wee hours o’ the mornin’ to meet up with her in an undisclosed location. Which was a little ways out o’ town, out behind the abbey, and I was doin’ a circle through the woods on account that I may have been followed by Uncle Angus, who was a military man and very much against any breakin’ o’ the rules, especially considerin’ he was hopin’ to get me into the service, which he did, eventually. So, I was standin’ by the water, lookin’ out towards the boathouse, seein’ if I could spot my Katie or Uncle Angus, and out o’ the corner o’ my eye, I see somethin’ startin’ to rise up out o’ the water . . . ”
— Arthur Buchanan
DOTTY CAMPBELL, MONSTER HUNTER
TV
FEATURES
PLAYS
“So I says to him, ‘Nicky, we gotta talk,’ and he’s like, ‘Okay, babe,’ but he’s not talkin’, you know? He just keeps on walkin’ down the street like I’m not tryin’ to have the most important conversation of our whole relationship! And then ya know what he does? He stops at a fruit vendor and picks up an orange.
A mother. fucking. orange. And I’m like, ‘Hey, asshole, I’m tryin’ to talk to you!’ and just as I’m sayin’ that ALL OF THE ORANGES come flyin’ off the cart because he’s picked up an orange from the middle of the orange stack, and I’m like, ‘Jesus, Nicky, are you goin’ to pay for all those fucking oranges?’ and the fruit vendor’s like, ‘YOU PAY! YOU PAY!’ because the oranges are all over the street gettin’ hit by cars and shit, and THEN DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES? He fucking runs for it! He just leaves me there to pay for all that shit! So, then I have to run for it, too, because I don’t have that kind of money, so I’m runnin’ and the vendor’s yellin’, and THEN - are you ready for this? The fruit vendor starts CHUCKIN’ THE ORANGES at me! Like it’s my fault! So I’m fucking runnin’ and dodgin’, and oranges are just flyin’ and explodin’ everywhere. I swear to you, they were just like goddamn grenades! People on the street were screamin’ because they didn’t want to get fucking hit. I’m all upset. Nicky’s nowhere to be found. It was just crazy!
So, needless to say, I didn’t get to have that talk with him like you suggested.”
– Minella
IN THE STARS